The Secret World of Sai

Note: As always, please read authour's notes before reading.

WARNING: THIS STORY IS EXTREMELY DISTURBING (to some) and may cause you to never look at Sai the same way again.

Everyone in Konoha was mystified by the mysterious persona of Sai. They couldn’t figure out his blank-eyed smiles, or his odd way of speech, or his unique, belly-baring top. Thus, they gossiped about him constantly, and thus, Sai was sad.

He tried not to let it bother him, though. And he had a surefire way to distract himself.

Sai had a secret world.

He was but a wee lad when he discovered this place. Danzou had been harping on him as usual, and he had decided to run away. He had been found eventually, of course, but his retreat had always remained special in his mind.

That is where he was headed now.

He left the Konoha gates discreetly, heading straight through the forest. In his pocket he held his beloved ink and paintbrush, affectionately nicknamed Fuzzy and Wuzzy…the paintbrush being Fuzzy. As he journeyed to his destination he passed three familiar landmarks, all named in his childhood. The first was a hollow stump he called The Purple Fish Galaxy. The second was a pond nicknamed The Glowing Puddle of Cheese. The last landmark, closest to his secret place, was a pink stone with the title of Sakurarock. Of course, now that Sai actually knew a Sakura he had renamed it Hagrock.

Finally, he would dramatically push through the bushes into his haven. It was a clearing in the forest characterized by the massive waterfall bearing the majestic title of The Tower of Tumbling Fluffy Bunnies.

Sai loved the place. He had a special ritual he completed every time he visited. First he set Fuzzy and Wuzzy down lovingly. Then he sang five and a half bars of the Fire Country national anthem. Then he said hello to the dead bird who was a figment of his imagination.

But then Sai entered the most important part of his ritual. For Sai’s secret world…

…was a world of interpretive dance.

Sai bounded across the crystal-like river. He twirled around merrily and leapt from rock to rock. At opportune moments he added graceful arm flourishes.

But then Sai frowned. Something just wasn’t right. He’d never felt this way. He felt…trapped somehow. Pulled down. Restrained. How could he stop such a predicament?

Sai looked down. He modified something about his appearance. Then he smiled. Free…


About a hundred yards away, Naruto and Sasuke were coming out of a bush and arguing fiercely.

“I am not!”

“Are so.”

“I am NOT!”

“Are so.”

“You are!”

“Are what?”

Naruto shrieked the word into Sasuke’s ear as loud as he could. “UKE!!!!!!!”

Sasuke blinked. “You’ve got the wrong person, dobe.”

“What are you talking about, SasUKE?”

“Who cares, NarUKE!”

Both blinked. Then Sasuke smirked. “Whatever. I’m gonna go to that river over there to get some water. You coming, dobe?”

“Wait for me!” Naruto yelped.

They continued on for about ten seconds in silence. Then Naruto screamed.

Sasuke sighed. “What is it, dobe?”

“S-SNAKE!”

“For God’ sake.” Sasuke stalked over to where Naruto stood with terror-filled eyes. He picked up the tiny garter snake. “It’s not that bad. See?” He petted the snake tenderly. Naruto stared. Sasuke dropped the snake. “Whatever. Let’s get water.”

The duo followed the sound of the waterfall. They reached the bushes surrounding it.

Then they broke through and gaped in complete shock.

They saw Sai frolicking about the rocks. Whisking a paintbrush through the air. He appeared to be doing some kind of strange…dance.

Stark naked.

Naruto screamed.

Sasuke blinked. Then he turned abruptly and crashed through the bushes, dragging Naruto behind him.


Sai watched them leave. “I guess they didn’t want to join me.”


Walking back to Konoha, Naruto and Sasuke were again silent. Then Naruto spoke.

“Oi, Sasuke?”

“Hm?”

“D’you think Sai is seme or uke?”

OWARI